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Technology tips for domestic violence and stalking victims

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We love technology. So it’s disturbing when it’s used to threaten or harass people – especially domestic violence and stalking victims.  

With computers and mobile phones, abusers have more tools for stalking. They can install spyware to hack into your email, use Bluetooth or GPS to track your every move, even secretly turn on your device’s camera or microphone to watch and listen to you.

Online safety is important for everyone but for domestic violence victims, these tips may be particularly useful: 

  • Use strong passwords and change them frequently. Make sure you have passwords on your phone, computer and all online accounts. Keep your passwords private.
  • If you think someone may be monitoring you, then try to use a safer computer – one that the abuser does not have access to. It’s especially important to use a safer computer if you are researching an escape plan, new jobs or a place to live.
  • Change usernames and passwords of your online accounts on the safer computer. Then, don’t log into those accounts on any computer that you think is monitored.

Abusers may not stop at your computer. If you’re using a mobile phone, here are a few more things to consider:

  • Know where your phone is at all times. Malware, spyware and tracking apps can be installed in just a few minutes.
  • Check your phone’s settings. Bluetooth and GPS can be used to track you. A victim advocate can help strategize a specific tech safety plan for your situation.
  • If you think your phone is being monitored, get a new one. The safest thing is to get a new phone with an account that the abuser does not have access to. Remember to put a password on your new phone, then disable Bluetooth and GPS.

Additional information and resources on domestic violence are available through the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. If you think you may be in danger right now, call 911.


Is there a way of knowing if your devices have been hacked?

Unfortunately, there is no good way to know for sure if your devices have been hacked. In fact, many stalking apps are specifically designed to be hidden and unrecognizable. That’s why the best advice is: if you think someone may be monitoring your device, then try to get a new one or use a safer one – one that the abuser does not have access to.

Yes my phone was compromised. I need to either buy a new one or change my number.Technology is great but it also allows wackos to trace you.

Yes, my abuser and his mother have played a huge role in hacking me, my close friends, family member's and co-workers It's been ridiculous replacing phone's and even desktops and laptop's. It's scary, been embarrassing, and dangerous for us. Not only have i replaced device's several times, we have had to relocate alot.sometimes,purchasing another device doesnt always do the trick. Changing e-mails, losing touch w/ friends & family because they are afraid to communicate because of these ppl. Being so dangerous. Their has been 2 deaths now in the hands of this family. It Hurts and it's exactly what they wanted. Im dealing with 2 abusers. 1 has been physically and mentally abusive, & stalking the other just a stalker with several aliases it's not safe to have a Facebook account-thats too easily able to be hacked. My abuser openly admitted how they know how to jail break phones & bragged how easy it is to hack Facebook's & they showed us by hacking in the middle of a conversation These ppl have violated ppo orders. Im keeping you in my prayers this isn't the case for your circumstances. Charges couldn't be pressed due to the grandmother's main residence being accross state lines. I think it's SAD how the system works! They are here in my state, same county. I will never understood how ppl like this get away with these bad behaviors...plz do yourself a favor and wait to use gour devices for nothing more than strictly ohine calls. It's appalling what these new hack apps go to our abusers. There is 0 privacy

You are in my prayers. My stalker is my soon to be ex and his longtime lover. Over years he graduated from cheating while working on the road when out of town, to bringing her to my own home. It's like it was a thrill to do it. It progressed into playing mind games with her wearing my clothes, using my car, even eating our food. We lived in the country so I guess that made it easier to mess with me. I have every phone and laptop compromised since being married. Worst part is that he has 30 years experience in telecommunications installation which means he knows the core in-and-outs of the equipment that makes new technology work.....and it has been a nightmare. He is a psychopath with mental issues when he was a teenager (I didn't know before marriage). It took me literally years to escape that life due to my fear that me and my 2 children (previous marriage) would end up on the evening news as another statistic. I left and am agreeing on divorce so I don't have to look over my shoulder forever. But that's not enough, he had gone through all my storage unit, taking what he (she) wants. And manages to get into my apartment when I am gone. He must have GPS on my car, bug in my apartment. I have been dealing with this and just want him to stop. But he has enabled her to mess with me too. On my phone, and everything else. He knows me, and my habits or how I am and do things. He knows I am a heavy sleeper and snore. He figured out how to sneak out and do or steal things when most people sleep. I doubt that I could move anywhere out of reach because after 18 years, he knows where my family lives. And technology is more bad than good if you can get an app with codes to use to hack someone and all you need is their phone number. I truly don't know if it will ever be over. What is wrong with people that they want to spend their time terrorizing another person. Will they regret that use of their time later? I just wanted you to feel better. Because at least your abusers don't sound as psycho as mine.

The same thing is happening to me, is his name Tom? The girlfriend even gave me athletes foot 2 years in a row. Police won't believe me, and that crazy girlfriend stole my deceased mothers red ruby earrings that I inherited from Turkey, then the girlfriend stole my Barbie dolls, pillows, blankets, video cameras,cameras, discs, identity legal documents, charges up my credit card, etc.

Tom is obsessed with stalking me and is getting rich from it.

My God this is exactly what my sister is going through for 6 yrs now! I don’t know how to help her..

I am having the same problem. We were divorced in 2006 after a long contentious divorce that he was responsible for. He even got fired from his job as a Telephone Company Exec for Monitoring my Phone And A Woman Manager he was having an affair with. I sued him during the divorce for this behavior and won a Monetary Judgment. I just wanted the divorce over & if he agreed, I wouldn’t even take the money. It was our money anyway. Long story shorter. After the divorce, I moved on and even married again. It’s been over 12 years since the divorce. We lost a son in 2012 to a genetic heart disease no one knew about. He was 22. I really thought he would stop when that happened, but it didn’t. He breaks in my house EVERY time I leave it - which is down to once a week. He last stole early Christmas gifts for my daughter-in-laws. He stole my extra key and Jewelry (it was in a garbage can for dog food). He stole my Dad’s things that were in the kitchen-including his will, medical and other durable power of attorney records. I have the Durable Power of Attorney. Our cars are bugged. He has GPS tracking on both cars, has hooked up something with our TV & cable that connects to my Iphone & he downloads everything on my phone. He gets all our house phone messages - so we don’t use it. He knows when Ibleave and when I come back. He constantly burglarizes our house and steals everything Inown, including my mail-which is causing legal problems for my Dad and me due to missed payments etc. he lmmakes a mess every time, causing more confusion, pain & messes. He just stole a cashmere wrap and other clothing bought as Christmas gifts. He was using an app to get in my car. Now he stole the key! He monitors everything I do and where I go. My husband is an alcoholic and had not had a drink in years until I told him about “our” problem. He is now drunk every night. He wouldn’t let me erase his car electronics when I found my ex had infiltrated his car. He doesn’t want to deal with this terrible problem. My kids don’t believe it and don’t want To hear about it. Please someone help me get out of this nightmare! I have chronic pain issues, Fibromyalgia, and debilitating Osteoarthritis. Our cats are messing in our family room and it’s disgusting. (We don’t use it and my present husband took out the floor). It does smell, is disgusting and we don’t let anyone in the house. Last year all the ceilings caved in due to a water leak in the attic. My small dog is crapping in the living room we don’t use. I thought if we left it, he would be disgusted and not come in anymore. It did not deter him. Now everything is too overwhelming and with the pain, I am unable to clean the house. Now we won’t call the police because of this. He steals all my clothing and returns it and steals other clothing. He will return things that are from 12 years ago that don’t fit anymore, put them in my drawer and steals the clothes that were in there. Since I am constantly monitored and it’s difficult with pain, it’s hard to get out, and every time I leave, he goes in my car & house. He takes a garbage bag full of garbage, dumps it on my bedroom floor, goes through everything and then takes all the paper garbage and intermingles it with papers I am using or saving. Please Please Help Me!!!!

If they have your info. Find new devices in changing just doesn't work we have changed our passwords we have changed phones we have changed the phone numbers they are in your accounts so it doesn't work you need to go to the police you need to press charges. I had a female stalking me and then when I got with my new girlfriend she decided to start harassing her then once they found out that she was emotional about that they continue to harass her and then she got some guy to do it so now everyday I get messages and emails on my girlfriend's phone from this guy and I can't stop it I can't block them I had to get rid of Facebook and everything else. And now the guys trying to make it personal and keep saying he's going to come over here and do something.

I am problabley slightly, naive to think we might know the same people in the very big network , but I have a situation that is or pretty much is at the end of ruining my life, I cannot really say for sure who ( Sadley) I have not picked the healthiest bunch from the crop to spend my time with. But I have a boyfriend and his mother and there are soooooooo many things that lead to them, and my relationship has not been the nicesest. So please just tell me if you live in or did ever or at that time Idaho, Sacramento or Oregon. If so I will ask more. Thank you

yes every inch,used to bother me,remember when you said I'll call u back,they can listin...try the mob or john gotti approach walk and
talk,lose weight,keep private....think like a teenager...I'm going to the Library...remember these r very sick folks-prepare accordingly

Bridget, I've changed cellphone numbets, companies and have no cellphone associates with my name and still being stalked

I think my phone has been hacked and my computer and my tvs he. are tbey even play songs for me on my smart tv and he listen to me through my tv and my computer Why I don't know

They are hacking Bluetooth and WiFi, they are two completely separate things, unpair your cell phones with any connected Bluetooth and put passwords on your Bluetooth immediately

How do u set Bluetooth up with password?

When the hack is covert, changing and unpairing your devices isn’t enough or adequate... It’s more complex. If it were that easy, I and others wouldn’t be here looking for a solution. Just saying

I'm pretty sure I have been being stalked electronically and physically for a while and even had material of importance sabotaged.not sure where to start need advice.My attempts to reach out and seek assistance have been ignored put off or downplayed.

Additional information and resources on domestic violence are available through the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.

It is set up so people in real danger with the information you need cant even get a report accross online nooo, phone nooo redirected, physically nooo they already made enough unknown wirring in vehicle, and had me false arrested had police come to home way in in back roads to tell me to stay off social media when i was on twitter looking forresources of this issue , police said a twitter friend of mine said to do a welfare check and thinks i got kidnapped. . The fact that I havent been cut off means that this is 99.9 a fake site straight to my hacker/ stalker/ idtheft and more... so either way who ever gets this give me advice to save my family from anymore and where to go to dig us out of this situation. I have info u know goes out if something happens yo me, beleive me or not but it feels like only option from going homeless at thiis rate is turn it all over to media. Theres got to be more people that prefer to be white hat and help people. Tell me what to do.

You can get information online through the National Domestic Violence Hotline ( or by calling 1-800-799-SAFE.

Same here. At the end of my rope.

I know how you feel they don't realize how bad pairing and syncing is for us that are being harassed and all our devices having keylogger and pairing and so forth...i been going thru it for 9 yrs now...and mine had people helping to do it as well and someone in power helping them to completely keep me from gwtting anyone to help me...i had people follow me...harass me...take over my accounts lock me out of my accounts and drive vehicles at me and cause total disrupt to my life...I never had anxiety or any issues until all this started 9 yrs ago...i couldn't get anyone to help me...he made sure no one would help me and then claimed my life can be made miserable ...obviously...he has made my life miserable has people go to my social accounts and send be obscene pics abd write me horrible emails and texts my phone with ridiculous texts...i been harassed 9yrs with so many harassment and no one to help ...i would get a new phone or device and as soon as i signed into an accpunt it would show another device on it that was not mine and my settings were controlled by them I couldn't control them....if anyone knows pain and suffering its me and i had no
Way to make it stop.... They need to stop allowing pairing and syncing mine had security system ip on it and I couldn't get it honestly people need to stop ignoring those that are crying out for help and help them...we should be able to sue the state too for not protecting people from this behavior...people think its funny to harass people i lost 9 yrs of my life to this and had no help from stronger now and I'm feed up with it all they dont know what damage tjis does to people day I'll fight for everyone being bullied by such people ...its horrible to cause such pain and fear in people's lives such as this....t
It should be illegal to do to someone's life Bullying needs to be a bigger punishment a d harassment and taking over people's devices should be mandatory jail time don't know how it feels until its you and it's horrible

How do the monitor u through smart TVs?

Omg I can't believe I'm reading this!! For 6 years I literally thought I was going crazy. My boyfriend who is locked up in county jail right now has been hacking me my smart TV you name it he's doing it ...of course he tells me I'm crazy and focus on the wrong things ...he's cheating to top it off and he is continuing to do it now....I don't even know if this comment will make it its so bad...I have changed my number, got new phones nothing works...why well I found thru many nights of researching he's doing it thru my voicemail and developer apps one being Stack Flow...I don't know what to do and am scared to go to the police..oh let's not forget nightly someone comes in my yard leaving hearts and crap...tried a security camera but they hacked that also! Please help I literally can't take no more

My ex-husband spent 3 years learning from Microsoft how to hack into computers remotely. Of course he said it was for his "business" but I found tapes (This started in 2000) that he recorded of conversations he had with Microsoft learning how to network computers and control and change settings remotely. He learned how deliver the programs, root authorizations and permissions to my computer and control and take over my network. You would not believe the amount of times my passwords get changed or I get locked out of my own computer. He is a very smart narcissist with degrees in law and business, as well as a sociopath, who will stop at nothing to obtain what he wants.
I feel like I am lucky in a way because I do not fear that he will harm me physically. My heart goes out to all of you that have to live with that kind of fear. I have only had to put up with him knowing EVERYTHING I do from my computer or phone for over 15 years. He is remarried, has a new family and yet he just can't leave us alone. I have resigned myself to the fact that he will always know anything about me that he wants to. Honestly, if he would just be nice and ask, i would probably tell him anything he would want to know. I think he gets a kick out of driving me crazy, or at least making me sound like I am crazy.
Over the years I have had brief periods of relief when I buy a new modem, router,computer ect. It usually takes him a few weeks to hack back in to the new system. He always finds a way though.
What I would love to be able to do is to PROVE, somehow, that he has been doing this. I have noticed that there is a certificate associated with these suspicious files. It has a number as a signature from Microsoft. Is there anyway to trace these signatures on these certificates? I have contacted Microsoft several times for help but they will not give me any information, especially after I explain the situation. I have all my old computers and hard drives that has these files on them. I truly feel that if I could prove that this is his digital signature, he would stop spying on me. If by chance he wouldn't stop I will sue him in court and make him stop.
Anyone have any knowledge about this or have any other ideas that could prove he is doing this? I just want to be able to enjoy my life without him auditing it.

Can you get in contact with a computer programmer? My son and his friends know how to trace these types of users. Try reaching out to a computer programming professor at a college.

Have you tried contacting a cyber attorney or hiring a private investigator that specializes in cyber stalking/hacking/bullying? That's my plan monday morning and God help whoever it gets traced back to because I fully intend to press charges. I also feel that google should be liable for not only implementing these interconnected, remotely controled features and apps but also for not providing adequate assistance in tracking suspicious behavior and offering secure solutions and safe fail locks. Someone can hack my account and change password but there is no way for me to prevent other devices from access in my info and settings...come on now, someone in the legal world has to want a piece of what seems like to me to be a MAJOR class action lawsuit. I hate to think of the domestic abuse victims, rape victims, bully victims, etc who have been killed either by their abusers hand or their own as a result of the relentless chaos and insanity these anti social pyshcopaths reap and sow! I pray for the protection and blessing of anyone suffering abuse and I pray they find Justice in real time. Perhaps we should form a group...just a thought....there is power in numbers (AND NOISE!)

I agree with everything you said !!! I am too a victim of this insanity.. and it hasn’t stopped for almost 4 years now , it started after I married the person I’m married to and I have tried many times to escape his and his family sick behavior.. there is power in numbers and noise !!!

I wish I could talk to you this is literally the same thing I’ve been going through since 2016 when my husband who owns a very high end technology based company filed for divorce and took my phone number email and car, he falsely called the police on me and I was kicked out for ten days with the clothes on my back. I got a new phone and phone number because he would not release my phone number. My prime email stopped working as well. He claimed company property. My new phone started acting buggy as well as my laptop on April 4 2018. I was on my MacBook Air and I noticed my entire desktop was just disappearing one file at a time. I disconnected for WiFi and then I saw my laptop connected to bluetooth so I clicked on the speaker and my laptop played music through the speaker in the apartment next to me. As soon as the music started playing I heard someone run out of the door and run down the hall. This was very late at night and I was and still am concerned about my safety. I called the police that night for the first time I explained the situation to the police officers I was shaking and frantic that night and the police did nothing they told me to rest. After that i erased my laptop down to removing the hardware making it useless. I couldn’t monitor my accounts as easily after that and has ultimately resulted in financial damage. I went from almost perfect credit to getting collections letters daily. My TVs soon started acting up sometime at the end of 2017 I had same things going on the music playing through speakers . I feel like who ever is doing this plays certain songs. I noticed too that before this happened my television remotes were literally disappearing. My place is clean and small so I was concerned someone was coming into my apartment. I set up cameras in my apartment and low and behold a few days later an ex bf and the maintenance guy were caught on my nest cam entering my apartment with a key my ex wanted a sofa back and I didn’t answer his calls so he claims that is why he went in . The maintenance guy told me he gave the key to my ex the week prior. I went to the police station with the video and they didn’t even look at the video. One officer said “do u want me to go talk to him” that is it. I informed my landlord of the incident but the maintenance guy continued to live and work in the same building in the apartment across from mine. I have no evidence of the break in because a few days later my best camera stopped working and my account was deleted. A few years ago in the same building an fbi investigation was done on another tenant who was found guilty of inappropriate porn.. I did not know this when I moved in but I had zero options and I needed to have address for custody. I do not stay at my apartment if I can avoid it I stay with ex most of the time but part of me thinks he’s the one doing the damage since he is divorcing me . I think it also could be someone collecting any dirt on me to sell it. Which is why that fbi case really freaked me out. This brings me to the most recent events my vehicle has been acting buggy then I noticed one of my key fobs is gone and when I looked at the one I’ve been using looks tampered with and ice been noticing lately my windows and seat are all messed up when I get in to drive. The computer is a mess as well. I’m scared to go to police or anyone else because I feel like they think I’m nuts. Before my divorce I hadn’t even gotten a speeding ticket. I’ve spend thousands of dollars trying to protect what’s left of me. My husbands company is probably one of the largest in my city him and his business partners are on boards for everything. I am scared to do anything anymore. I feel so sorry for anyone who is struggling like this. I do not know what to do.

I need a victim advocate to help find a secure, safe place to live. I would like it to be in the town/neighborhood I have lived in for the past 5 years for a temporary plan. (I know a few wonderful families in the development I live in now.)Mostly know through teaching and previous jobs. I do not have current phone #'s anymore due to ID theft, work, other family stuff, etc. I thought I was following the guidelines of govt church, family. etc. to better myself and in help better my son to make his adolescent/young adult years easier and less confrontational. IT BACKFIRED ON ME. My son is a smart, responsible, hard working young man caught in the middle of a horrific divorce and will pay the price forever. It was my first marriage and I waited until I was financially secure to have a child. I love children and spent many years raising other family's children. For several summers I was a nanny to 9 children. I have taught in pre-schools, etc. I love my son and just want peace and honesty for him and our families. Chase is great.

Hi i hope you got help. I need to meet connect with people like you. My stalker will not stop and has abducted my don eventhough I have a custody order. He brought my son. If you still come to site please list any national groups that may help.

Is it possible if your home have a renovation and required electrical wiring for new electrical outlets for appliances ,such as landline tel. outlets it can be hacked? And can be connected to a hackers Computers remotely monitored,the home owner activities inside the house,

Can anyone tell me how or if they were able to get an electrician to see if the electrical system is hacked. My outlets were making noises. I called an electrician. When he opened them the boxes had been changed from new ones to ones that came with the house. I believe he is using light bulbs as well. Every one of the bulbs has been altered to pick up radio. The bottoms of the bulbs are sloppily coated with a bit of silver and there is one small hole on the side of each side bulb burned split a tiny bit and a piece of copper wire inserted.
I believe he has been using Bluetooth

I tried to add number to do not call registry but was unable to do so because the call was placed from my own phone number. I know this has to be a scam and would like to report it. Please note that this is not the first call I have received from myself and know of others who have had the same exerience.

Sounds like someone is tapping into your phone line to call you from your own phone. And for them to do that they would have to either be some where in your house, out side your house up on the telephone pole or at the main telephone box that control all the phones in your area. I would contact the telephone company and have them invwestigate it. It could be one of their workers for them to have that knowledge. I know this because my father was a electrical engineer. And he taught me stuff like this.

Scammers can fake the caller ID information that you see on your phone. That's called caller ID spoofing, and new technology makes it very easy to do. The fraudulent telemarketer may want you to think the call is from your bank, or another place you've done business with. Sometimes, the telephone number may show up as "unknown" or "123456789."

Explain how someone elses voicemail, with that person talking on it, gets on my voicemail inbox

It’s called “cross-crossing” or cloning. I had my phone and devices cloned, internet and security cameras hacked. The cops don’t do anything and they will treat you like you’re crazy or be condescending. I’ve lived with this for over 10 years. So frustrating and concerning when the laws or law enforcement is not educated on the current issues. My 2 cents

I will talk now


That's the fn truth I'm gonna be dead before he stops and we have proof. Apple AND VERIZON!! I have an op and he is destroying my life. Apple helped, Verizon helped, I got new routers and accounts it doesn't matter unless they stop and no one believes it or cares. Basically if this is your life you know that death will be the only stopping

I'm going through the same things. I moved and switched to sprint. I'm totally being cyber bullied and no one believes me they think I must be crazy and on drugs. I feel so alone.

Me too what do I do?? I know who it is.. He has control of my icloud... My email and no one believes me... I feel way alone

Same here. My ex husband has ruined my life and broke my spirit. He won't stop and I also feel like I'm going crazy. I'm finally starting to get the courage to do something but, I'm afraid nothing will be done. I have lost everything because of him including my kids and I don't drink or use drugs. I even had my family alienated by him.

I was income stalked.Im not sure but I think my husband might be a psycho. I think he defames character and desperately effects my work by using other people? The income stalking is professionally done . My life since 2014 sounds like these other women. I reported his commercial scam reealestate broker years ago who robbed him.120k who he lied and tod me this guy out of his life.. Hes not.a normal person would sue . Im getting out if this like a wrecking yard after daughter graduates.

Hi, I read your post. I felt the same way. The more stuff he told me and sent mean crazy text. I started to feel like I was thinking I must be going crazy. Your ex just wants u to feel bad about yourself because he accually feels that way about himself . What has be been doing to u ?

Yah your right true stalkers merge their life with yours so they can't stop stalking you cause that would mean a end of what they know as their life. So they will never stop until they die

Thanks for your comment. It hit the nail on the head. My stalker has taken my life as her own. She does not work. She lives in her car across the street from where I live, but it is a company parking lot and I do not know what kind of car she is currently driving. she has no life of her own. She has totally invaded my privacy by hacking my phones, my computer and any other device she can hack. "Merge " is an excellent choice of words. Thank You !

he's been doing it for over 16 yrs, the audio recordings from my cell now replay for friends/fam, they think im crazy and i've never called them, the home phone the cell phone, every pc i use, every call i make, he interrupts them with a digital/human voice, frightens fam


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